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why did iza leave me?

I think I've finally started to get enough perspective that I can begin to answer this fairly without bitter talk of "well, she just didn't love me."

  • She's used to going with the flow, she hates confrontation, so she never bothered to work the issue out with me. Staying together seems easier, though, doesn't it? Not when I'm in Germany.
  • We were starting to hit a rotten part in our relationship. Things seemed great on the surface, but we weren't growing anymore. It was just sex, cuddling, and warm feelings, but not much real communication anymore. Nothing challenging. I definitely felt this too, though I probably didn't want to admit to myself the depth of it. She realizes this too, though maybe not consciously.
  • So she sees I'm leaving and doesn't know how to trust me. She stopped confiding in me emotionally months before we broke up.
  • She realizes that she doesn't want the kind of commitment I do. She's always been restless like this.
  • We have no friends in common. I don't see her as having changed, but it's obvious something had; all her friends are now older where they used to be younger, her goals are different than mine.
  • She didn't want to risk me hurting her.
  • I want to say she doesn't know what she wants, but she probably does; though what she wants will undoubtedly change a lot in the next ten years.
  • Of course I have plenty of personal flaws to find if she was looking for them.

She tells me she was sad and being apart from me was tough, but didn't show it. I don't see her lying about this, but then I couldn't have imagined her refusing to talk to me or dumping me either. In this sense, I'm blind; I feel like I don't know her anymore, so it's natural for me to assume the worst: she doesn't give a damn about me.

One thing to emphasize is that, yes, I did decide to leave for Germany first. Even though she later said she'd have broken up with me even if I didn't leave, it's obvious this is a big factor and makes me culpable. On the other hand, I hold firmly to my belief that I could have made a long-distance relationship work. You know how I love to write. There would have been some unavoidable emotional distance, but there would have been a continuous relationship thread, a glowing coal always ready to start a fire. I see her solution as throwing out the baby with the bath water, or cutting off the nose to spite the face.


Shyness is really just an acceptable form of rudeness anyway.
	-- Phillip Asheo k5